Relationships are an inevitable aspect everyone comes across within their lifetime. Whether it is romantic, familial, or friendly, these relationships are a foundation of lessons on how people should and shouldn’t treat one another, which is learned mostly through experience.
On Wednesday, October 16, the Haumana Project Resource Center hosted a seminar about learning how to build healthy and positive relationships at the Clarence T.C. Ching Conference Center in Eiben Hall.
At the seminar, Chaminade students were greeted by a staff member who presented them with a post-it note and were asked to write down what is it that they truly want in a relationship. Then the hosts, Beth Nishimura and Patricia Tong, educated and presented various tips on how to communicate with a significant other, establish a great foundation within a relationship and have a successful relationship.
“I think a lot of people, especially now undergrad, at that time and even now as an adult I’m like ‘Am I doing this right?” You’re always questioning,” said Nishimura. “Is this a healthy relationship?’ Just being able to recognize what’s not good for you and what is and trying to resolve that, or even getting out of an unhealthy relationship.”
In order to make their point clear, Nishimura and Tong, used a few clips from the popular TV series, “The Big Bang Theory” on the formula on how to keep a friend. According to this clip, maintaining a friendship requires compromise, a common ground, and a little bit of money to pay for “friend dates.” All of these can truly go a long way when it comes to maintaining or saving a relationship.
“Communication is very critical and is a must,” said Tong. “Communication is not easy. Knowing and accepting your partner’s ways is a good way to a healthy relationship.”
Ninety percent of the audience was female. Darren Iwamoto, a psychology professor, separated the audience with females being on the left and males on the right. Iwamoto then posed a series of questions and various situations. The young women were more open to sharing their responses compared to the small amount of young men. Honesty was the top factor that females agreed was the most important quality in the beginning of a relationship, followed by having fun and a sense of humor. The males believed that being drama free was the top quality in a new relationship also followed by having fun.
“When the guys said something about what guys expect and what women expect, I knew all that,” said Alexus Raquel, a freshman. “A lot of it was stuff I already learned before because like being in a relationship you learn these things, communicating and how to communicate better, in a sense and meeting each other half way, adapting to each other and things like that. It was just like, even though I knew it, it made me feel better that somebody else said it so at least I know I’m not the only one who thinks that way.”
According to Nishimura, understanding each other’s family values, compromising, and distinguishing between wants versus needs are a few of the common grounds for open communication in relationships. Knowing a significant other’s communication style and how he or she communicates within their family will determine how he or she communicates within a relationship. Compromising leads to a “win-win” to any conflict since winning the relationship is more important than winning the argument. Lastly, distinguishing between a want and a need will save plenty of headaches in the long run. Many high expectations lead to disappointment. It is vital to be honest with oneself about one’s needs, wants, strengths, and weaknesses to prepare to being in a committed relationship.
“We just want to educate people,” said Nishimura. “You have to realize not all your needs will be met, this other person is human too. You’re going to have disagreements and arguments, it’s inevitable and it’s also normal. If you’re willing to compromise and build from that then you’ll build a healthy relationship.”
