I am a professional student. For the last 18 years, I’ve been in school. It’s always been easy for me. I know what to expect, and I thrive in the classroom environment with my peers.
On Dec. 8, I will graduate from Chaminade University. I am terrified, more than I’ve ever been about anything else in my life.
I’ve always enjoyed school, but once I hit my final semester of college, I couldn’t stop thinking about life after graduation and getting my first “real” job. The thought ate me alive; I consistently felt the sudden pressure of not being able to depend on school as an escape from reality.
Having a plan after graduation has always been my intention, but I let my fears get in the way, preventing me from looking for jobs. With school, I had a comfortable routine that allowed me to take mid-day naps and the freedom to spend time with my friends and families without feeling exhausted. I hated knowing that one day I’d have to work eight hours a day, go home feeling too drained to socialize, just to do it all again the next day. Whenever I thought about it, it made me uneasy. Picturing myself working was near impossible to imagine, the horrors of dreading my “real” job pushed me toward school, which I preferred.
Growing up, my mom constantly gave me the option of either school or work. Although working during school was also an option, I chose school. Especially when I was given scholarships to continue my education, my choice was easy.
“I never wanted you to feel pressured to work during school because I wanted you to focus on your education,” my mom said in an interview. “The fact that you were more than willing to go to college was more than I could ever ask for. I wanted you to thrive not because of me, but because you wanted to.”
My mom raised me for the life she wished she had, meaning she wanted me to focus on my education and get to the highest level possible. In her eyes, education can take you far in life no matter what career path I choose. I agreed with her and since I despised the thought of getting a job, I chose to go to college right out of high school.
In 2021, I got my first job. I dreaded the idea of getting a job but I knew I had to because many jobs require experience, which I was lacking. Once I started working, it put my mom’s words into perspective. I struggled to balance school and work which caused me to burnout. After about 10 months, I decided to quit my job.
Now being jobless and a soon-to-be graduate, I can’t use school as a getaway. Sure, I could go to graduate school but considering my major, Communications, it would be pointless because I have no specific focus for the future I want. In addition, I’d be too overqualified in education, with little to no experience and the possibility of someone hiring me would be quite low.
I should have been looking for jobs within my last semester but scared of having the responsibility of having a job, I kept telling myself that I had enough time to figure something out. But as graduation creeps closer and the longer I push back looking for a job, the more I realize how much time I’ve wasted.
These past five years in college have flown by faster than expected and the life I’ve grown so used to will no longer exist. And now what? I have to work? What about my mid-day naps? Do I actually have to work the entire time from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.? What are the benefits and why do I need them? I have so many questions and uncertainties.
As much as I want to stay in school forever and never work, it’s just not possible. Life goes on whether I’m ready or not, and at 22 years old, I have to suck it up and become the adult I never wanted to be.
I wish I had taken job search more seriously but since I haven’t, these last few months have been the most stressed I’ve ever been. For those who are also coming close to the end of their academic path, my only advice is that it’s never too early to look and apply to jobs. The sooner you get a jump start on life after school, the better prepared you will be when the time comes. Take it from me, don’t wait until the last minute.