Questioning my single status


You find who you are when you lose yourself in something.

I wanted to know why I am single and came to the realization that the only way to find out is to ask the people that are close to you. As a 21 year old, I decided to write this column because all my friends tell me I need to do something different. I don’t explore or change; I have been stuck in a routine for too long and exploring the reasons for that reveals the reasons why I am single. I needed change and some direction. I needed truth. I needed to know if I was the reason why I feel like I am only existing and rather than living.

The best way to find out why you’re single is to turn to your best friends and simply ask them, “Why do you think I’m single?” Your best friends know more about you than you think. They have been around you long enough to know how your actions may hurt you chances of finding a man or woman. This only works if your best friend is able to be completely honest with you. Take that chance to find out what your friends really think about your love life. Relationships are about taking risks, so take the opportunity to find out what you’re doing wrong.

As I write this I too am taking my advice and challenging myself to find out the reasons I am single.

For the single individuals out there we put ourselves in the mindset of being single by making all the excuses for everything that is said about being in relationships.

Single people say:

“I’m single because . . .”

• I have no time for a man/ woman right now.

• I am a picky person and there is no variety out there.

• His/her personality is not what I’m looking for.

• One is not enough.

• I’m tired of looking.

• My parents said no.

• He/she doesn’t have the education or the occupation that I’m looking for in my partner.

All the phrases listed above are the very statements that prevent single people from being in relationships. Stop making excuses and live, take a risk and see where it takes you. I took a chance and asked my closest friends what they thought about me being single, and the answers I heard were difficult to hear.

“Your standards are too high . . . and almost impossible.”

“Your are caught up in school and you haven’t found anyone worth taking a break for.”

“You are very careful of who you let in. It is also very hard to please . . . it also has something to do with you prejudging situations.”

“You are stuck-up and conservative at times.”

“You’re on an island . . . what do you expect?”

“You’re too picky.”

“A little close minded at times.”

It is hard to hear the truth about yourself, but it’s better when the people you know tell you the truth. They tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to.

When my friends told me these tidbits, I didn’t know what to feel. At one point I just sat thinking and shook my head in disbelief. These are my friends telling me I am single because of me. I am single because I am holding myself back. All I could think was “I have goals, I’m educated, I can hold a conversation and I’m cute, so what’s wrong with me?”

I never saw myself being stuckup or conservative, but I never tried to see myself in the eyes of others. I started to question all the things I was doing, including the way I spoke to people and the look I gave.

Now that I know some of the reasons I may be single it’s my decision to change. Change the way I am and not the person I’m looking for or at. Are you going to change with me? Are you going to challenge yourself and ask your closest friends why you’re single?